JOY!

JOY


I don't know if this is a failure or not! I do know, however, the direction I intend to start going with my life. I don't know HOW to come into this correctly. I do know, however, that this will not keep me from trying all directions - North, South, East, West and Failure!


I've been enjoying reading blogs lately. And since I've read so many, I can't begin to tell you the one where I read the suggestion of choosing a word for the year. But when I read the same idea in a book I'm reading by Debbie Macomber, I started wondering, "If I were to choose a word for the year... what word would I choose?" Almost immediately the word came to me. JOY! I learned throughout the last year that although I deal with Fibromyalgia and nearly continual pain, I have SO MUCH to be thankful for! This year, I want to see the fruits of that show in my life. Joy!


The problem is twofold. First, I hide my emotions! I learned to do this while still in elementary school as self-protection (to try to keep from being teased and bullied). I got to where people could jump out and scare me to death but they'd never know I was scared because I never showed it on the outside. The sad thing is, I didn't just hide some emotions, I hid them all. I don't even show it when I'm happy. This part of the problem I've been working on for several years now. The other side of the problem is how to be joyful when I really just need a good cry. Because of part #1, I know that I can PRETEND that everything is just fine - I can even fool myself into believing that for awhile. But unless I allow myself to acknowledge hurt and talk it out/cry it out or whatever, the joy becomes less and less real and just something I'm legalistically forcing myself into. So I need to find the way to be real - admit that something is bothering me - and yet, somehow, to still find joy.


So that's the year's goal for me this year. Not only to find and hang on to joy, but to know the correct way of doing it without making myself the most miserable joyful person you've ever met.