My amazing life

My life is incredible! I've been watching satan attack in so many ways lately; verbal attacks from friends, attacks to my health in the way of Fibromyalgia and back trouble, having to say goodbye to friends who are moving away, attacks on my children (I've been watching them get hurt by their own friends and relatives - and watching their dreams get dashed) and attacks on my own self esteem. But lately I've been getting glimpses behind the scenes. I've watched lives touched and even changed because of how we've reacted or dealt with these things. I've watched God do some special and amazing things that remind me who is in charge and what kind of power He has. And because He has this omnipotence and yet I still go through these attacks by satan, He reminds me that He DOES have control and that all things DO work out - not only for His good... not only for the good of those around me... but for MY good. And because of this beautiful reminder, I can stand up and proudly say that my life is incredible. The problems that I deal with are the exact problems that God is going to use to make me spiritually and emotionally stronger. The more I think about this, the more excited I get about it. This is nothing new, of course! God's been doing this all my life!

While I was being bullied all through school, God was using it to make me who I am today. While I dealt with sexual molestation from a non-relative that I should have been able to trust, God was using it to grow me into a woman who could understand and help others with similar problems. While I dealt with emotional abuse in high school and college, He was helping me figure out who I was and what I wanted. When I had 5 miscarriages, He was teaching me a whole new view on the meaning of death that many Christians never understand. And even while I dealt with spiritual abuse just 7+ years ago (and in some ways, I'm just now seeing how that mess is still having a negative affect on how I deal with certain things), He was making me into a woman who didn't just accept everything simply because it came from a spiritual leader!

So as God allows these different problems in my life, I can honestly sit here this evening and THANK Him for them. No, the thankfulness doesn't come easy (one day I'll blog on sacrifices and what they REALLY are) but as God continues to show me His absolute love for me, I really can thank Him for the trials that are giving clarity to my life that I've not noticed before.

I apologize that lately this blog hasn't been so much a record of my failing for Christ in my day-to-day life. But I'm seeing how it's becoming a place for me to take a stand online and to be willing to be a failure for Christ in a place where comments are allowed (which means I can be attacked for what I post, which means it terrifies me to be open and post my true feelings...). So when I make a post like this, I AM being willing to be God's failure.

... and I must say, it's AWFULLY hard to actually push the "publish" button after a blog like this.